What You Should Never Ask When You Thought You Saw A Pregnant Woman

I was in the restroom with a coworker (she is not pregnant) when a lady came in and saw the two of us and said “Aaawww, are you two due at the same time?”

I was mortified. I felt embarrassed for that lady.

Luckily my coworker, a sweetheart, handled the situation very well. She said smilingly, “oh, no, I am not pregnant. I had my baby already.”
And the lady said, “oh, is it recently?”
“No, it was a year ago.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry I said that.”
“Don’t worry about it. People say that you have to lose the weight 1 year after the baby is born. If not, then the extra weight stays,” my coworker rubbed her belly and smiled “I guess I’m keeping it.”

She handled it very well, but really, never ask a woman if she’s pregnant or not.
Never.

And the Pregnancy Continues…

In two days, I will be crossing the 30 weeks of my pregnancy.

That means, I will only have to wait 10 more weeks for the baby to arrive. Yay.

By now I am a whale. my back hurts, I pee every 20 minutes. And to add to that, my office building had some serious leaking issues in the restroom a few weeks ago, so I can’t go to the restroom on my floor, I have to go to a different floor just to pee. I can’t have long meetings because I feel the urge to pee all the time. I have stretch marks on my belly, I can’t see my toes. This morning I tripped over some junk in the garage that my husband did not carefully put away on the stairs and almost fell flat belly first. I have to proudly say though that I fought back the urge to curse and succeeded. I can’t do much house chores. Standing more than 15 minutes is tiring for me. Even walking a straight line is tiring sometimes. I can’t sleep on my back, I have to sleep sideways. And for some reasons, my back hurts when I sleep facing my right side (don’t know why), so I only have 1 comfortable sleeping position: facing left. I worry about my job although I am guaranteed my job by law. I can’t eat as much because my stomach relaxes. I also can’t eat as fast. I love eating so that’s a bummer. Also, for no reason, I got cramps on my calves, sometimes, in the morning. I have limited wardrobe because barely anything fits and I refuse to spend too much money on maternity clothes. Don’t even start with the body changes I am experiencing. I am mortified.

Yet, those are all okay because this is part of the experience. I am going to have a baby girl. We are almost 100% sure of that because every time we go for an ultrasound, my husband asked the technician to double check on the sex of the baby. And every time: It’s a girl. My husband is not anti-girl. He’s just worry on how he is going to handle the teenager years. The first reaction he has when the doctor told us it is going to be a girl was: “I need to buy a gun.”

I’m not sure if he was joking or not.

I wanted a strong girl name and I had some candidates of names: Gabriella was one of them because it means: Strength of God. But then we came across Abigail, which means joy of father, and my husband just jumped on that name and sealed it. I guess when he first felt her her movements and kicks in my belly, that’s when he started feeling the connection. As his hand was on my belly, he raised his eyebrows, and he muttered only one word: “Wow…” and the rest is history. I’m no longer his only girl. And I don’t mind at all.

Now, being pregnant requires an act of balance. No. Literally, my gravity kind of shifts. With a belly this big, I am much clumsier. I knocked on things a lot. And with the hormones and all the things in your mind, you become very absent minded too (they called it pregnancy brain). I once brought a banana to work, put it in the front pocket of my lunch box and forgot about it for 5-6 days. Everyday at work I smelled banana. I checked behind the monitor, behind my PC, but the life of me, I didn’t know where it was. Until one day, my husband found it when he was cleaning the lunch box, already shriveled and completely black. He looked puzzled and he asked me: “What is this?”

And of course, being me, there has got to be my pet peeves: I am kind of a private person. And I have a big personal bubble. Maybe the size of Alaska. If only you know how short the guest list I have for my baby shower, you would understand how small my circle of friends is. The rest of the guests are my husband’s church friends. So, I am one of those people who doesn’t really enjoy her pregnant belly being touched and rubbed. And boy, there’s a lot of belly rubbing going on since I got pregnant. Now, as strange as it may sound, gentle tapping is okay, but some heavy-duty rubbing makes me uncomfortable. And the rubbers are all nice ladies who are just happy for me, and I don’t want to be rude and make them misunderstood, but really, I would rather not have my belly rubbed. Just gently tap for two seconds or so, then we’re good. I also appreciate it if they ask first and not taking the liberty to just reach out for my belly. Until today, I don’t know how to handle this problem. The pregnancy book said that I should just said it straightforwardly that I appreciate them not touching my belly, but I also don’t want to hurt their feeling. Another suggestion is to rub their belly back (LOL). And being a private person that I am, I’m not even sure I want to touch someone else’s belly. Because I think it is rude.

Another pet peeve: Women who have had children tend to talk about (their) babies and (their) pregnancy all the time to pregnant women. And they give unsolicited advice. I long to have normal conversations with people that does not include the word or phrase: nausea, belly, pregnancy glow, epidural, lamaze, birthing class, baby, baby shower, diaper, diaper rash, c-section, breast, breast milk, vaccination and baby food. I do want to talk about my pregnancy, and I do ask questions, about a million of them to some of my close friends whom I feel comfortable with, like my college friend who just had a baby boy in Boston. We emailed each other almost daily and she is my biggest help. But my pregnancy is not a public discussion. I guess it goes back to me being an introverted/private kind of person. Right now, my friends who are yet to have children are awesome. They know not much about pregnancy and embrace deeply conversation about anything but being pregnant and babies.

My biggest joy though, is to feel the baby kicks. To think that God blessed us with a new soul whom the doctor pronounce healthy and she’s growing inside me kicking and punching gives me warmth in my heart. It is humbling and I feel bottomless gratitude. I do want to stress out though that being pregnant does not make me ‘feel complete as a woman’. I AM a woman, regardless the pregnancy or no pregnancy. It’s just that I am grateful that God blesses us with her so quickly when we decided that we are ready to expand our family.

And lastly, my biggest sorrow is the thought of my having my baby without my mom being able to witness one of the biggest moments of my life. She won’t be making it to Chicago with her condition. And though I agree that traveling that far from Jakarta is not a good idea, there’s this sharp jab I feel in my chest every time I think about it. So my husband said that we should go back to Jakarta to visit her sometime soon. I have got to see my mom hold my daughter in her arms. That would be one of the greatest Kodak moments in my life.

The Grandmother, The Daughter And The Granddaughter

I got a phone call this morning. The caller ID said ‘unknown’, so it is either a telemarketer (whom would have suffered my wrath for calling my cell) or my family back home.

I picked up and I heard my dad’s voice. He sounded serious for a second and I thought the worst. But then he chuckled and I felt such a huge relieve. My mom wanted to talk to me and wish me a happy birthday.

She asked: “Where are you going to have your birthday dinner?” I told her we’re going to this vegetarian restaurant in downtown Chicago. I told her about the menu and how people are saying that the food (the ‘steak’) is yummy.

Then she said to me, “Where are you going to have your birthday dinner?”

The same question that she asked a minute ago but she didn’t remember. It wrenched my gut. My mom is sick. She suffered a stroke 4 months ago. And since then my life hasn’t been the same. It happened on August 25th 2011 and I shall remember that day forever as the bleakest day of my life. My mom got a headache, started vomiting then collapsed. My dad rushed her into the hospital and got an MRI and found that she had suffered Intracerebral Hemorrhage. The deadliest kind of stroke because unlike an artery clog, a hemorrhage (bleeding) can end someone’s life (or brain) in matters of hours.

Of course when all of this happened, I knew not much about stroke. All I knew was that she got a stroke, she’s unconscious and they rushed her to a bigger hospital to have a brain surgery immediately. In 6 hours after she collapsed, she’s in the surgery table. They shaved her head bald and drilled her skull to release the bleeding. The put a permanent shunt from her head going to her stomach to release the pressure.

It was day time in Jakarta but for me it was night-time. I only had 3 hours of sleep that night. As my dad text me on her progress. I cursed, I cried, I was furious, I was in denial, I prayed then I was finally at my wit’s end and so I sat down and left it all to God. There was nothing I could do but wait for the surgery. And oh.. besides all that, I suspected that I was pregnant.

Two days later my mom gained consciousness from the surgery and on the same day, I confirmed my pregnancy. I knew inside my heart that I was happy, but I was too occupied to even feel the joy. I was thankful to God, but I could not find the spirit to rejoice. I told my dad and when my dad told my mom, she looked at him and in silence she shed tears. That’s when I knew she had her memory back.

Now I am four and a half month pregnant and we found out that we are going to have a baby girl. This baby has endured what seemed like the longest flight in my life back to Jakarta (and back here) , crazy greasy non-balanced diet, long hours of care for my mom in the hospital, heavy lifting, hospital sofa and the highest level of stress I have ever had in my life. And yet the doctor said during the ultrasound that she’s as healthy as can be. And that’s when I knew that my daughter is one tough cookie and she deserves a strong name.

My mom is at home now. She’s far from fully recovered, but she is doing okay. I call her every few days and chat with her. She mumbles when she speaks now. And she does not really have the concept of time. She needs someone to take her to the bathroom. Her short-term memory is bad. But one new memory that she can remember constantly is that I am pregnant, and months before the ultrasound, she already said that I am going to have a girl.

And she’s right.

My daughter is going to be her first granddaughter because all she has right now are four grandsons.

In my phone, I kept a picture of the two of us on my wedding day. Some pictures of her bald and unconscious right before the surgery which my dad had sent to me. It sounded morbid, but I’m glad to have them. Also a few pictures of her post-surgery with much older look, no make up, no expression and short unstylish gray hair. I look at those pictures everyday to remind myself how kind God is to still let me and my family spend more precious time with her.

And when my baby is born, I am waiting for the day when I can take a picture of my mom, me and the baby just the three of us, as the grandmother, the daughter and granddaughter. To remind us how precious time is and how wonderful the gift of life is.

Our First Wedding Anniversary At The Top Of The Eiffel Tower

As romantic as it might sound… it’s not.
Not that I’m griping because it was a stupendous day. But visiting the Eiffel tower can’t be considered a romantic voyage, in fact it should be considered a great adventure. The tower was one magnificent piece of historical architecture and standing under/on it was definitely an adrenaline pump moment.

Another reason why it wasn’t romantic: There were a million other people besides the two of us, ranging from tourists, school kids, street vendors (selling bottled water to key chains) and the scariest ones: pickpockets. And really, there was no time to be all swoony. There were so much things to do. We were in Paris!
Some things to keep this in mind if you are planning on going to the Eiffel tower:

• You can buy your ticket online. Viva the Internet! The bad thing is, you have to specify the time you are going to arrive there, but I still think it is worth saving the hassle of waiting in line for 2 hours.
• Don’t be too happy after you buy your online ticket. There’s another line to get into the elevator to the second level and another one to the top. These lines will also take time. When visiting the Eiffel tower, really, patience is virtue. Enjoy every second. Even when you are standing in a long line and your feet are killing you.
• Buy the elevator ticket to the summit. There are several types of ticket, the other kinds only give you access to the stairs (not elevator) or only take you to the middle level. Why be mediocre? Spitting from the top of the tower is much more exciting than spitting from the second level.
• Wear thicker clothing, it’s windy.
• Spend the evening there if you have the time. Experience the transition from daylight until dusk. The view is amazing when the city starts to light up.
• And wait until 10 pm. The tower burst into scintillating lights. It’s really a sight to see.

Eiffel tower from the Seine River

As we approached the tower

And there it was, breathtakingly magnificent

Close up look. It's brown. I always thought that it's black or dark gray.

Really it's brown. Although from here it looked dark gray

Souvenir shop

Graffiti - Tourists like to leave their footprint behind.

The line for the elevator to the summit

First floor - taken from the second floor

The parisians are crazy about carousels

View of the Notre Dame church - Taken from the top of Eiffel Tower

View of Arc De Triomphe - Taken from the top of the Eiffel Tower

The replica of Lady Liberty over the Seine River

Sunset from the Top of the Eiffel Tower

The City of Paris and Seine River

The Champagne bar at the top of tower

Another night view of Paris

The Eiffel Tower at Night

 

Details of the Eiffel Tower from the ground

Queens Day in Amsterdam – Through The Eyes of Two Unassuming Tourists

As two unassuming tourists, we based our Europe trip on our anniversary, which is April 25th. We didn’t check what’s going on in London (William and Kate’s wedding) or Paris (public holiday on our Anniversary day: Easter Monday) or Amsterdam (Queen’s Day). We thankfully missed the Royal wedding by a few days and were able to still visit Westminster Abbey. And aside from the massive head count on the Eiffel Tower, we thought that it was fine.

But Queen’s Day in Amsterdam is a whole different level of crowd. It’s their Queen’s birthday. Wait… actually the Queen’s real birthday is in January, but Queen’s day is observed on April 30th because it was the birthday of the Queen’s Mom. In a nutshell, on Queen’s Day, the whole town turned into a big gigantic club, carnival, bar, orange costume party and last but not least: public urinal.

When we arrived by train, the first thing we did was to go to the Tourist Information Center right across Centraal Station. And the first news we heard was that there would be no tram going to city center on Queen’s day. Everyone was encouraged to walk (“What???”). And that all museums were close on Queen’s day, which we found out later that IT WAS NOT TRUE!!!!! So, for those of you who are going to attempt to be in Amsterdam on Queen’s day and if going to museums is your cup of tea, keep in mind that they are open on Queen’s day. And not only that, there were practically NO LINE. You can go straight to the ticket booth and go in. It is really awesome, but I cannot believe that the Tourist Information Center was wrong (which reminds me that I planned to send them a protest email).

Queen’s day is best narrated with pictures. Beto took a lot of them, so here they are.

Beto at the Museumplein

People celebrating by climbing the IAMSTERDAM sign. The queen's picture is right behind

We don't know this dude, but he insisted that we took his picture.

Guy with what appeared to be a red bull

Public urinal... with urine overflow

It looked like that the shirt really worked

An orange winged guy

The interesting thing was, we barely saw any cops. It looked like although everyone was practically drunk by noon, it was an organized chaos

A horn hat is only in fashion on Queen's Day

Dam Square on Queen's Day. A complete carnival

Party Boats with music

When you drunk and trying to impress at the same time

And off he jumped

People with Cape

Then we went to Anne Frank's House. On any other day, you might have to wait in line for an hour. But on Queen's Day, 5 minutes was all it took. It was the most moving and heartbreaking museum I have ever been.

Then off course we went to the red district. A visit to Amsterdam is not complete without going there

And this is a marijuana's seed store

I want to call those guys: The Orange Man Group

Good friends always ask people to take pictures of their wasted friend

Top 10 Things I Remember From London

Regardless what I put in my list, I must say that I love London with all of its quirks and beauty. So here it is:

1. In London, almost everyone smoked. I didn’t know if they are tourists or locals. But they smoked quite a lot. You could smell it when you were walking down the street, when you were in line from the people behind you or in front of you or who just passed you by. Not only that, but they exhaled their smoke unapologetically up in the air. Yes, the air that they shared with the rest of us, the non-smoker hypochondriac beings, so we can also enjoy the ‘benefit’ of inhaling their smoke and unwillingly feel our lungs rot with nicotine.
2. Big Ben is not the name of the tower or the clock, but it is the bell inside it.
3. Eternally London will be in my favorite cities list because it’s vegetarian friendly. Being a fishetarian (and Beto who is even almost a vegan) I’m always in the hunt for vegetarian restaurants when we go on vacation. And when I googled ‘vegetarian restaurants in London’, lo and behold, a very long list showed up. I felt really warm inside. We went to this Veggie restaurant right off Regents street, Tibits. A buffet style kind of restaurant where they weight your plate. They have creative salads and hot dishes too. I hope one day they open a restaurant in Chicago.
4. London has a complex yet excellent underground network. So complex and excellent that it confused me. But Beto seemed to be fine finding his way around so I just had to ‘mind the gap’ and followed him around.
5. I tried Marmite. A vegetarian British traditional salty spread. It’s dark brown, sticky and kinda smelly. Marmite is something that you either love or hate. There is no in-between. I tried it on my first breakfast at the hotel and the verdict was: I love it. I love salty stuff. Not only that Marmite is so darn salty, it’s also vitamin fortified. What else do you need?!
6. Fish and chips is awesome. And what’s more awesome was the cod roe, which is cod fish eggs. It was really to die for although high in cholesterol, no pun intended. We went specifically to the Sea Shell of Lisson Grove as suggested by a Londoner co-worker. He said that even people in Rolls Royces went there for the take out. So we went and it was awesome. Not only the food, but also the evening. It was a cool night, we sat outside by the street. It really was a nice date with my husband. And being an introvert, it was unusual for me to talk to a stranger. But I just had to ask the guy at the next table what he was pouring on his fish and chips. It was salt and vinegar. And yes, it was delicious with it. Ingenious.
7. There are a lot of old things in London. It is full of history, not that I am a history buff, but I was mesmerized. It really made me realized how ‘young’ America is.
   

   The sign said: Britain's Oldest Door - Most likely constructed in the 1050s for St. Edward the confessor , Westminster Abbey

8. I learned the word ‘groundling’ and have been using it every time opportunity knocked. A groundling was a commoner who frequently went to the theater during the Shakespearean time, but was too poor to buy a seat. They bought the cheapest ticket (a penny) to stand by the stage. They stank (only bathed twice a year), noisy and they threw fruits to the characters that they didn’t like. The actors used to complain about the goundlings a lot. Imagine having to memorize your lines in heavy costume, acting it out and being distracted by their smell or fruits flying around. That depiction made me chuckle.
9. I wanted to take a picture in a red phone booth. But the booth smelled like pee. Mission to go inside aborted.
10. We went to Abbey Road. That famous street where the Beatles were photographed crossing for their album cover. I tried to crossed it with my cool walk, but I was also in a hurry fearing that I’m going to be hit by a car. This was the best shot I have. Oh well…

Happy Father’s Day

When something horrible to someone that I deeply care about, all I want to do is go to her and give her a hug and tell her that everything will be okay. Although, being an introvert, when something really horrible happens, the best thing that people can do is to give me space. The extroverts of the world won’t understand that, but that’s okay.

My best friend’s dad passed away last Friday, four days ago. There were no warning signs, he just felt uncomfortable and he passed away.

My dad, bless his heart, who always pores through the newspaper, found his small obituary. It amazed me that someone actually reads obituaries on daily basis. But luckily he did.

I have both of my parents alive. Thank God. But my friend, she does not have a father anymore, cruelly so a few days before Father’s Day. Not that they have Father’s day in Indonesia, but it stabbed me cold in the chest. I have had my share of disagreement with my dad. He likes to be in control. And I, being his daughter, happen to inherit this trait. And it infuriates me when someone tells me what to do with my life. But in the end, when such terrible thing ever happens, won’t all of these disagreements becomes diminutive?

So I sat and ponder on the news, and on my relationship with my dad. Beto always says that it was ‘interesting’ the things I remembered in life. This too might come as a weird list.

When I was in the second grade, my dad traveled a lot for work. On the days that he would be arriving home (most of the time very late at night), I wrote him a letter and put it on his pillow. And he also would leave me a letter (through my mom or by my bed) on the day that he left (usually very early, around 5 AM). One day, after reading his letter, I cried. I tried to covered it up by telling my mom that I just got something in my eye. I don’t remember what the letter was about, but I remember hating his travel. I missed him when he was not around.

One of his advice that I still remember until today is when you are in grave danger and you need to stab someone with a knife, stab fast and hard. Don’t hesitate. It is an unusual advice, I know, but really I do think he has a point.

We had some tough times when he had to borrow money from his people for my tuition. How my dad (and mom) would do anything for my happiness and future truly humbled me. I’m sure I will empathize it even more when I have children of my own. Along with the empathy on why he and my mom were so darn concerned when I go out with friends until late at night.

My dad used to smoke possibly for more than 35 years. I was a secondhand smoker during my formative years all through college. Then one day, when I was about 20 years old, he stopped smoking. Cold turkey. I was and am so proud of him. Until this day, when I have the chance, I would tell people how my dad stopped smoking cold turkey. It was about 14 years ago and he has not smoked ever since.

He taught me to drive, and when he gave up hope that I will ever be a safe driver, he hired a driver to take me to places. Note: I am a very safe driver now. Beto might be the only person in this planet who did not give up hope on my driving skill.

He is on Facebook and we are friends. He post pictures of me and to anyone who dare asks about me, there will be a lengthy details of my achievements and summary of my curriculum vitae. It is very embarrassing. I know he’s a proud dad, but…

People says that I am his favorite child. I don’t know about that. But if it’s true, it must be quite tough on him living in Jakarta while I am half the world away. In one of his emails a few weeks ago he ended his letter saying: Be happy.  I guess he’s trying to make peace and set me free.

On my wedding day, at home before we left, he hugged me and told me that I was forever his little girl. He cried and I cried. I think something about seeing his daughter off broke his heart a little bit.

About my best friend, I was on the fence about calling her or giving her space. So when I called my mom I told her about my doubt. She said: “Call her. She’s in mourning. You are one of her closest friends. You should be there for her.” So I called her. Several times actually, but no one picked up. I think she unplugged the phone. But I will try again. Everyday, I will. Until she is ready to face the world again, So when she’s ready, I will be there on the other line, telling her that everything will be okay.